just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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