I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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