either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
