put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
