All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
