my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
