I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
