I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
