do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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