What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
