I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
