Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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