And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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