it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
