Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
