Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
