he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
