im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
