Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
