dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
