I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Two words: blizzard sex
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
