Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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