i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
