How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
