brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
