I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You made out with two different species that night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
