We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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