I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
