Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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