when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
