My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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