Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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