dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
