pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
