one might say we're banned from that church
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can I color on your dick again?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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