thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
