we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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