Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
