Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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