Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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