I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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