I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
