Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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