Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize