I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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