i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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