toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize