girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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