yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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