Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize