I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
