i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
