Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
