the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
