nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you had me at cake vodka
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
