i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
