My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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