She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
