So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
