It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
