What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
