My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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