If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
