i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
