so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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