our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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