So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
two words...techno handjob
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
