The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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