so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can text with my tongue
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
