Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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